Tumbling or Running to the Finish Line

Every time I happen back upon this blog I inevitably think to myself, “where is all this time going?” I seem to come back around to find months gone by, or a year gone by, or five years gone by since the last post. In those moments it feels like it’s all slipping away, boiling away from the heat of distraction and unawareness.

I wonder how much of my life could possibly be intentional if I seem to be only remotely aware that huge chunks are flying by with a half-hearted wave and barely noticeable nod in my general direction.

The truth is, I’m getting older very fast and a race doesn’t go on forever. In this race, a day wasted moves you just as closer to the finish line as a day well-spent. I am ever tumbling or running towards the end of my life, and I can’t stop it. I don’t have to do anything in order to draw closer to it, but by God’s grace I can choose the manner in which I’ll try to reach it.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (ESV)
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 25 Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27 But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

My prayer is to go forward intentionally and purposefully. With less pizza involved.

Then, that one time…

It seems like it’s been almost five years since I blogged last. It only seems that way because it’s accurate math and science.

So, what’s happened in the past five years? I have no idea, but I’m willing to let it go by just saying, “a bunch” or some such. This isn’t a life story area, so I don’t really know what you were expecting. I don’t know what to tell you.

The real question is, am I going to start blogging again? In fact, you may be asking yourself, “is he going to start blogging again?” You may be missing the top ten lists, the dry humor, the geekcentric links, and even the occasional glimpse into the things that happen in my life, and I really wouldn’t blame you. I miss all those things, too. The answer is a resounding, “maybe.”

The truth is, I can’t be sure if I’m going to start doing this again somewhat regularly or not. I’d like to think I will. I really enjoy writing, and I also enjoy imaging someone out there enjoying what I’ve written. It’s an imaginary, joyful circle.

Here’s to hoping. Also, Bob Costas has some major eye stuff going on, and I’m glad my kids don’t have it.

Blogging is such sweet sorrow…

I’m quite guilty of not having blogged in quite some time. Ironically, web innovation and convenience are completely to blame. It’s Twitter‘s fault specifically. The ability to jot down a short message with the web browsing equivalent of a flick of the wrist is inviting and satisfying. Not even the 140-character limit is any type of deterrent; in fact, expressing a quick thought or notion in such a short span is puzzle-solving fun.

I do plan on blogging from time to time, and I know a person or two does read this for whatever reason. I do enjoy doing it, but with the hectic nature of my life these days, my 140-character addiction seems a much better fit.

For those of you starved to read my words, please follow me on twitter. I promise I update it a lot.

I totally missed February…

Looking back, I’m not sure I was aware that February was flying by. Maybe it was because I had a birthday, and I wanted to forget that part. Who knows.

What was going on that took so much of my attention that I didn’t mark the passing of my favorite month with any sort of celebration or thought? I somewhat remember a get together at my house to jointly watch the big professional football championship game and make festive note of my birthday. Valentine’s Day was in there, and I do recall now taking my wife out for a special lunch. I may have had a cold in there somewhere, not unlike now. Oh wait, I do recall having a headache last month that lasted for a week and a half.

But what else was in there? Did it snow? What the heck happened to last month?

Oh, February, forgive my faltering mind.

A new something or other…

I haven’t posted in an absurd amount of time. I’m coming to the time where I decide to not blog anymore and delete the whole thing. Then, a little later, realize I’d still like to blog and have to create a new one. Then, once again, I’ll have a blog to post something on, maybe once a month, that no one will read besides me and a friend or two. Oh well, the spice must flow.

There is a point to this blog, as I have once again succumbed to a futuristic technology. It’s nothing really new, but alas I have fell into the Twitter abyss. So far, it doesn’t seem like much more than a place to collect facebook status messages, but I’m going to keep with it to see if I can discover the unavoidable allure of it all. And even if that’s all it ever turns out to be, I guess it’s a good, fun waste of a few minutes a day. Besides, I know that there are many, many people out there hanging on my every status update.

On my way out, let me just say Merry Christmas to those of you reading. I hope your holiday is blessed and happy.

Deconstructing self

I have a pretty good job. I’m around people at work that I get along well with. I have a schedule in which I can keep my own hours, and I can even work remotely from home which is quite a blessing with my brood of offspring and my wife’s hectic schedule. So, I should be happy with it all, right.

As with all implied assumptions in blogs such as this, no, I’m not.

I’m not sure what it is, but I don’t feel like I’m really good at what I do. Now, my wife, friends, even clients have told me they like what I do, and I appreciate that, but I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m scraping by. I hate that feeling.

What’s worse is that there are several other things that I’d like to try to do, but all of which lead me to the same feeling that I’m just not good enough to do them. Is this just having no confidence in myself? Is it a complete lack of self-esteem? Is it simply seeing reality?

This is a strange feeling, and a strange time. I don’t know that there’s an answer at the moment, and I’m certainly not looking for reassurances. Honestly not sure what I’m looking for, but whatever the answer and whatever the reason, I’ll see it eventually. I don’t know where I’ll be then, but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.