This will hopefully become a regular feature here. The object here is to complete headlines with my own subtle changes and additions. Seems to me that so many headlines are ripe with possibilities, so why not explore them. My change to headlines will be in bold. Here goes. Enjoy.
- Removing cats to protect birds backfires on island as it sinks into sea
- Firefighters charged with using arson to get work, chicks
- Stocks tumble on disappointing retail sales causing severe bruising
- Panel: Technology alone can’t protect kids online – Ninjas, Gladiators also necessary
- Yahoo Names CEO with Strong Track Record, Good Upper-body Strength
- Video games expected to evolve in 2009, human-like appendages expected by 2018
- No credible terror threats seen for Super Bowl unless Cardinals advance
- Finger length may predict financial success and pointing efficiency
- Caffeine Can Cause Hallucinations, Super Powers
- Kepler Spacecraft to Hunt Earth-Like Worlds, Destroy Them
unrelenting waste of effort 
I don’t think I can do better than these, but here’s mine. Scratch that. I KNOW I can’t do better.
1. as rat laughter doesn’t contribute to healthy sleep patterns.
2. as plainclothes cops in ski masks happen upon them during random “store security testing”.
5. Violet Marie Yahoo. Yahoo is registered at Target and Babies’RUs.
I thought I’d draw attention to your genius by giving an example of lesser work.